*Here Without You*

Thursday, July 06, 2006

It's Been Awhile

It's been a long time since I've been on. I've been working and trying to figure out what I'm going to do when Steven gets back. It's not much longer now. 5 months at the most. I'm very happy about that! I've gotten use to being without him it almost makes me afraid of how I will feel when I see him. But yesterday was the 4th of July. I went to the firework show that we have every year on the river with my in laws. I was proudly wearing my "proud army wife" shirt. Then it all began. It was all so beautiful and the patriotic music was playing in the background. I never felt so proud to be an American. I wish my husband was there to share this with me. It made me miss him more. I don't think I'll ever forget the feelings I had that night. I'll always remember the smell, the sound, the way the air felt and what I was thinking. Everytime I heard the fireworks BOOM I thought of how my husband hears that everynight. I saw tons of people with their loved ones. The way couples kissed and held each other. I couldn't do that but I thought of my husband and I remembered what it felt like to have him hold me and to feel his lips against mine and to smell his skin. I wanted to cry so bad but I didn't because I didn't want anyone looking at me like an idiot. Not many people know my husband is gone to war. It's been a week today and I've not spoken to him. He left a quick message on the computer that stated he was in Baghdad now. He heard a car bomb go off and he is in the center of everything. I worry that the next time I hear from him will be the last. I wish I could trade places with him. But I've never been more proud of him and what he is doing. And after last night I know it will not be like meeting a stranger when we meet each other again for the first time in a long time. Tonight I was really missing him and I did something that I haven't done in awhile. I looked at all of our wedding pictures and all the other pictures we've taken. I miss his smile. I sprayed his cologne, closed my eyes and pictured him in my room. I sleep with his pillow and use his favorite cover to fall asleep with. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. I watched something on t.v tonight about spouses cheating to make their relationship better. That will never happen to us. We love each other too much and we have sacraficed and we know how easy it is to lose someone in a second. We know not to take things for granted and that little things are never trivial. People who have never been seperated for a year or longer doesn't know what I'm talking about. A kiss on the cheek is just annoying to some people and forgotten by the end of the day and "I love you" has just become another sentence with lost feeling. But to me that kiss remains on my mind just liike it happened a few seconds ago and the words "I love you" have so much meaning that it literally saves me from losing my mind at moments like these. Being a military wife is hard but I wouldn't trade it for the world, and to those people out there who say that we know what we were getting ourselves into, that true, but it doesn't make it hurt any less and if you have never loved anyone and truly meant it then you wouldn't know why military wives support their husbands. We love our husbands enough to support them and be by their side when they need us. We are truly a rare breed. I am very proud of who I am and who I married.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Mixed Feelings.

Today has been a crazy day. I'm sick and things are bothering me and I guess that's why I am so emotional. Plus I miss Steven really bad. I wish he would call so I could talk to him. I hate crying all the time and I try to not let anyone know because I don't want people to feel bad for me or anything but it's hard and I sometimes don't know how to deal with it. I just keep thinking, it's not that much longer and then we will be in each other's arms. In less than 6 months, he will be here. I can't wait. I cry just thinking about it. I'm ready to start packing and move out to Texas. Just me and him and start our lives together. I don't care if I had to clean for 24 hours straight, it would be worth it to be with him. Well I guess I'm going to go because I'm sleepy and I don't feel good and I have a headache from crying. Steven if you see this I love you with all my heart and soul and come back soon. Bye I love you. God Bless!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Feeling bad.

Recently, I published a blog that might have been offensive to some people and for those people or person. I am sorry. I was venting, maybe in the wrong place, but it wasn't meant to be mean or put someone down or make someone sound bad. Please accept my apology for that.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

My Hero. (Speech of Tribute)

The person I am most proud of and look up to is my husband. He made the choice to protect his country and because of that he has endured alot hardships and obstacles. But I have never heard him complain once. He only speaks of missing me and his family. In my eyes he is a true soldier. He is in a country where almost everyone there is out to kill him. He has been shot at and he has been missed by bombs. He has even seen some of friends get injured and even killed. So far he has been one of the lucky ones. I hope his luck doesn't run out. I pray for his safety everyday. He gets to take a shower once a week, two if he's lucky. He eats MRE'S and has to drink bottled water because the water there is grey and can make you very sick if swallowed. To make a normal everyday phone call is a blessing. To get to the phones alive is a blessing. He sleeps in combat boots and constantly carries and gun with him incase the person beside him reveals he isn't s friend. He lives in constant fear of his life but he knows that if he doesn't, then we would all have to endure this ourselves. He sleeps in a cot and prays that he will wake up to see another sunrise again. He is a soldier. So while I take my shower everyday, eat home cooked meals, drink water from a faucet, sleep safely in a warm bed, and call my friends up to talk when I want to. I remember him and all that he is doing. He is my love, my hero, my soldier and I am so proud of him.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Lost Track of Time

It's been so long since I've written in here. So much has happened. I've been going to the gym, school, trying to find a good job, and figuring out how I'm going to handle things when it comes time for me to move. Steven will be home in 6 months. It's so hard to believe that he's been in Iraq for half a year already. I'm glad that it is passing by quickly though. It's hard enough as it is. I can't wait to move. I will miss my family so much but being with Steven will make things better. I will be going to a college out in Texas and I will be trying to find a job working in a hospital. I want to become a nurse. I want to start a military supporters group here in town and I want to make a website for it. I've started on some things but I have a lot of work to do on it. I want people to see what life is like for the ones who have to go through this. It makes me sad to see a sticker on the back of someone's car that says "Support Our Troops" but do they really have an idea of what really happens? I want everyone to realize what the families go through. Because of Steven and everything that has happened to us, I've learned to respect my father more than ever. He was a Vietnam Veteran and I never understood or wanted to understand what he went through, but now that I'm going throughout his with Steven, I finally understand. I guess I just want people to see that freedom really isn't free and there is so much more to know than what is said on a bumper sticker. I mean people could make a difference if they tried. There is a whole lot more to supporting our troops than a bumper sticker or saying that they support them. Our troops need prayer. They need to know that they aren't out there fighting for a lost cause. They need care packages. I don't mean to preach but lately so many things have happened to make me see how things are.There are so many things I don't understand, but I want to understand them. And there are so many things that I take for granted and that people take for granted. Never hold back on saying I love you to anyone because you never know when it is the last time you will ever see them. Sometimes the little things mean more than the big things. I'd rather wake up and see a note on my bathroom mirror that says "Good morning beautiful, I love you", than having a brand new car in the drive way. I'd rather be holding my husband in a one bedroom apartment than in a huge house. Material things are not important and I've come to learn with Stevens deployment not to take anything for granted. Nothing is ever trivial. And God does answer prayers. As I write this I am in tears, but not for myself, for the people who do not know the true meaning of love, hope, faith, trust. For people who do not know or do not want to know the agony of a soldier, of how it's like to be away from a place of being safe to being sent to a place where you hope you don't get dealt a bad card. A soldier goes through so much and we as civilians have no idea what it is like to be away from everyone that we know. We all know how it is to lose a loved one. After time we come to understand that we can't talk to them anymore. A soldier feels as if everyone they know has died. A phone call is a prayer answered. I couldn't imagine feeling as if the world I was born in was dead for a year or more. It sounds so lonely. I appreciate our soldiers so much for what they do. Not only are they brave but they are so strong. Steven you are so strong and I know it isn't always easy. It's never really easy, but I'm here for you and I love you. You are my world. And to someone else out there, their world is in a place where they know nothing of the people around them but to trust no one. That is one reason to support our troops. A bumper sticker says nothing compared to what can be done. A bumper sticker can't state true appreciation and a bumper sticker sure can't write a letter to a wounded soldier thanking him for his bravery and concern for his nation and maybe an apology to a family who has lost their son, daughter, mother, father , husband, wife, or best friend. I guess this has all been bottled up inside but I'm glad I've wrote it down. Maybe someone will see it and maybe they will do something to help just one more soldier. Even if you do not support the war, support our troops. Because of them we can sleep safe tonight. Steven if you see this know that I love you and everything I do is for you. I am 100% behind you in everything you do and I will always be right beside you. I love you. God Bless Our Troops!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wedding pix

Here is so more pictures of me and my soldier. He is such a great guy but I've said that a million times. :) I've been able to talk to him alot lately. Which makes me feel really good. It's so weird to be married almost 2 months and we've only spent a week together. Some people are saying already that they don't think we will last but in my mind they are just jealous and I don't listen to it. We are so happy when we are together and everytime we are pulled apart our love grows stronger and it will always be that way. No matter what. I keep thinking about our trip to Tannehill. We rented a cabin and when we got there it looked spooky, but he left to go to the store to get some stuff to build a fire and while he was gone I was putting our things up and black stuff started running down the walls. Steven has a picture of it on his phone. We still don't know what it was but we didn't stay. Lol. It freaked us out. So we left and got us a hotel room with a jacuuzi. It was very relaxing and the funniest thing happened. We were getting ready to get in the jacuuzi and I was trying to figure out the buttons on the wall and I hit the wrong one I guess cuz it sprayed water all over the room and everything. Lol. I'm glad he thought it was cute. But we shared a very nice night together. It was so great to have him home. Except his driving scares me. Lol. I've always said he drives to fast. I wish his time in Iraq would go by as fast as he drives lol. I can't wait to start waking up to him every morning and cook him breakfast and go fishing and do all the things we love to do. We make such a perfect match. God did really good matching us and I am so thankful for it. Steven if you see this I love you so much and I can't wait to see you again and hold you in my arms, be careful. Bye I love you.

Monday, March 20, 2006

*A Dream Come True*

Well it finally happened. On Feburary 4th, 2006, we were presented as Mr. and Mrs. Steven Craig Boothe. After all of the hard work we all put into this wedding, it turned out to be so perfect and beautiful. I couldn't have asked for a better one. The whole day was great. I got up early and went and got my hair done along with the bridesmaids and flower girls. Then I went home and got my things together and packed my bag for our trip to stay in cabin that night. Then I went straight to the church to take some pictures and then waited in the room untiol it was time to see my handsome soldier. I can still remember stepping out of that room and my dad reaching for my hand and seeing Steven as he was smiling. And I'll always remember what it felt like when we both looked into each other's eyes and said "I do". I did pull a prank on him though. While we were lighting our unity candles, someone was supposed to sing, well he thought that his friend Tommy was gonna sing. I loved seeing his face when he saw me still standing by the candles with the microphone and he was trying to pull me back to the alter. He didn't know what was going on until the music started playing and I started to smile at him. The he had the biggest smile on his face and I sang Martina Mcbride's song "Valentine" to him. I think he had a few tears in his eye but he wouldn't admit it lol. It was so good. Then the other funny thing that happened was when we were cutting his cake. He went to put my piece in my mouth and it fell right into my dress and he wasn't thinkign and he stuck his hand down my dress and the took pictures and everything lol. And what made it even more funny is that he told me he would get it out later and he didn't realize how loud he said it. It was so good to have my soldier home. We shared so many beautiful things and we got closer to each other. I could go on and on about the fun we had and the things we experienced. It was almost like he was home for good. A week later, I watched him get on that plane and then reality sunk in. I can't wait til he comes home again. Maybe I can keep my soldier for good and he won't have to go anywhere else. Until then I'll wait for him and pray for his safe return. Steven if you see this, I love you so much and I can't wait til we can be in each other's arms once more.